Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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