i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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