i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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