Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
