Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
