I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
