did you get engaged???
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
