win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
