I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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