i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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