Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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