I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
