if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
