This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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