had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
