I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
