i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
