You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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