i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
