i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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