So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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