Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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