If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
