For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
