So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
