he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
