I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you would pick up someone in the library
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
