What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
