You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
