so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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