Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
