I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
