You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
