I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
