I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
