She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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