I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
