3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
