i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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