oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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