so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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