I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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