I just saw a hot homeless man
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
