nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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