perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
