i used baking grease as lip gloss
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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