i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
