even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
