Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
