I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So vagazzling was a success
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
