Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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