Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
