You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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