So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
