she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
