God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
