4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
