I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
