it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
