I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
