Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
