Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
