Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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