I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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