I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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