I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
