i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
