just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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