i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
