is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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