she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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