I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
from now on my penis is your penis
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
