What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm passing your future prison.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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